Correct Confession, Marvelous Marriage
February 18, 2014
Topic: Sermon Passage: Proverbs 28:13
“CORRECT CONFESSION, MARVELOUS MARRIAGE”
“Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” (Prov. 28:13)
A FRAMEWORK For CONFESSION
Confess your sin to ALL who have been TOUCHED by your sin.
The CIRCLE of your CONFESSION should be as BROAD as the circle of your SIN. It may be:
Your accountability partner;
Those whose equipment, money, or space you’ve used, etc.
Do NOT confess your sin to those who are NOT TOUCHED by your sin.
This does NOT mean that it’s wrong to talk with others about your sin in GENERAL terms.
CONFESS your sin, with a willingness to ACCEPT the CONSEQUENCES of your sin.
Your WIFE, for instance, will probably be HURT, SHOCKED, & ANGRY.
You should EXPECT that some of your relationships will be DAMAGED for a while.
You should also expect that some will find it HARD to FORGIVE you.
No matter what, TRUST God to give you the GRACE you need to HANDLE the response.
Consider the assistance of a THIRD PARTY to HELP you.
Their presence can keep you from BACKING OUT & not confessing.
They can help you provide the RIGHT AMOUNT of DETAIL, not saying TOO MUCH, or NOT ENOUGH.
They can help ANSWER QUESTIONS that your loved one may ask.
Their presence can PROVE to your loved one that you are SERIOUS about this by SEEKING HELP.
They can help you & your loved one know WHAT to do AFTER the confession.
Choose a MATURE Christian that the OTHER person RESPECTS & can TRUST.
Confess your sin THOROUGHLY, but not EXHAUSTIVELY.
Many times, wives will ask for METICULOUS DETAILS following their husband’s confession – but those VIVID details, once placed in the mind, are HARD to FORGET.
Your wife may feel that it HELPS to KNOW these particulars, but it may actually HURT.
She may feel that you are being EVASIVE, which is another reason it may be helpful to have that THIRD PART in the discussion to reassure & encourage your wife.
Confess your sin WITHOUT MAKING EXCUSES for it.
For instance, a husband may imply that, perhaps his PROBLEM wouldn’t have become so SEVERE, if only his wife had been willing to HAVE SEX with him more often.
OTHER people can SIN AGAINST you;
They can ENTICE you to sin – but they can NEVER MAKE YOU sin. That is ALWAYS YOUR fault.
OVERCOMING the FEAR of Confession
Determine that you will TRUST IN GOD, rather than LIVE IN FEAR.
You will be tempted by MANY REASONS why it may be best to REMAIN SILENT.
TRUST in the GRACE of God in OVERCOMING your fear.
Your WIFE & Pornography
Phil. 4:8: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
You can never stop thinking about something by trying not to think about it – but you can start thinking about something else.
God wants to CHANGE our THINKING – NOT by having us FOCUS on what we need to QUIT THINKING about, but by REPLACING those OLD, SINFUL thoughts with NEW, RIGHTEOUS thoughts.
The FORBIDDEN WOMAN
She is DANGEROUS: vs.4-5.
She HERSELF is DECEIVED: v.6.
Ultimately, she will DESTROY your TIME, your STRENGTH, & your BODY: vs.8-14.
The WORST PENALTIES of sin may be DELAYED.
What is the ALTERNATIVE to the FORBIDDEN woman?
The DELIGHTFUL WIFE
The INTIMACY of MARRIAGE is to be shared with NO ONE ELSE: vs.15-17.
“REJOICE in the WIFE of your YOUTH.”
How many 60-year-old PORN ACTRESSES do you see? God CREATED MAN for a LIFELONG RELATIONSHIP with a WOMAN.
Steven Curtis Chapman, “I Will Be Here:” “I will be here to watch you grow in beauty.”
HOW is that POSSIBLE? God will enable you to love your wife’s WHOLE PERSON, not merely her OUTWARD APPEARANCE.
This is the most DEEPLY SATISFYING type of love.
Be SATISFIED with the BODY of your WIFE: vs.19-20.
God not only ALLOWS, He COMMANDS SEXUAL DELIGHT in marriage, to the point of INTOXICATION!
And He will give you the GRACE & STRENGTH to OBEY His command.
STRATEGY For CHANGE
FIND JOY in your wife.
Whenever you’re TEMPTED by PORN, think of at least 5 things about your wife that make you HAPPY, & PRAY THROUGH that list.
POUR ENERGY into your RELATIONSHIP with your wife.
What does your wife APPRECIATE?
Think of 3 ways that you can SERVE your wife every day.
Direct your SEXUAL ENERGIES toward your wife.
This step must come AFTER you pursue the first two! Your SEXUAL ENJOYMENT of your wife is DEPENDENT upon your LEVEL of CARE for her.
PRAY for God’s GRACE to DIVERT your DESIRE from the FORBIDDEN woman, & to your WIFE.
What If You’re SINGLE?
If you believe that God has MARRIAGE in your FUTURE, determine that you will PURSUE that path to a GODLY woman in a WISE & CAREFUL way.
If you NEVER marry, consider God’s ULTIMATE PURPOSE of MARRIAGE: Eph. 5:25-33.
MARRIAGE is not ULTIMATELY about marriage – it is to point to the love of JESUS CHRIST for the CHURCH.
By YOUR love & devotion to your WIFE, others should get a glimpse of the love of CHRIST for the CHURCH.
But, MARRIED or SINGLE, every man’s GOAL is to “seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.” (Matt. 6:33)
If God’s PLAN is for you to REMAIN SINGLE, you are FREED-UP to pour your ATTENTION & ENERGY exclusively into CHRIST & His CHURCH – the way that a MARRIED man would focus on his WIFE.
Another Word About ACCOUNTABILITY
DO NOT use your WIFE as an ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER.
SHE doesn’t need to be the one who is POLICING her husband’s activities.
Rather, she should be able to trust that you have a faithful ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER, which FREES HER to FOCUS her ENERGY on YOUR MARRIAGE.
MARRIED or SINGLE, we must learn to direct our mental & physical ENERGIES AWAY from PORN, & toward a PURE RELATIONSHIP with our WIFE, & with our SAVIOR.
OTHERS may NEVER KNOW if you are DOING THAT or not – but the LORD KNOWS.
“For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” (1 Pet. 3:12)
What KIND of MAN does He see, when He SEES YOU?